The Sorrow That The Eye Can't See

I need to be honest.  

Right now I feel weak, I feel alone, I feel lost and confused, I feel incapable.  I feel like my own shortcomings and trials are holding me back and like my circumstances are too overwhelming to conquer.  It's more frustrating than I can put into words - do you ever feel like that?  

You know those times when it feels like God has put the brakes on your life and before you know it, months and months have passed by?  Or for some, even years?  Those times that cause you to cry out in desperation for help and for strength because you simply can't handle it all on your own anymore?  Those trials that seem to shake the very foundation of all that you know, all that you love, and all that you are, and no matter how hard you try, heaven remains completely silent?  Those scary moments when you feel emotionally numb from the inside out, and wonder if life really is just meant to be endured, and not enjoyed because if there is more to it, you can't feel or see it anymore?  The lonely days where you sit there wondering what you did wrong and why you are so much less than the other people around you who seem to be accomplishing it all and then some?  There have been few situations in my life quite as scary and unsettling as some of the ones I've been in lately where I've questioned whether I'll ever be myself again and whether I'll ever be able to see the world in the same light.  

I don't write about this to complain and whine about the hardships in my life (I do enough of that already haha), rather, I do it to help you know that you are not alone in this crazy journey of life.  I write to mourn with those who mourn, and to reach out to those who might be in similar circumstances and feel that no one on the planet understands, because I've been there and it's a scary feeling.  LIFE IS HARD and it only gets harder when we carry around this pretend idea that everyone else around us has everything under control and that we're the only ones drowning.  EVERYONE has their "stuff", whether that stuff is visible from the outside or not.  There are no perfect people, there are no perfect lives, there are no perfect homes or relationships, and there are no perfect circumstances.  No matter how convincing social media and the outside picture may appear, it just isn't true.  

I don't believe that we came to this earth to try and convince the world around us that we live flawless lives, untouched by hardship, discomfort, and weakness.  Think of the ways we could reach and comfort each other if we were all a little more honest about the fact that life isn't perfect, and that sometimes we fall down physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  Human beings are attracted to other human beings with whom they can relate, people who they feel will understand them and not act shocked or be judgmental about the pains that they suffer.  

So let me be honest.  Sometimes life looks really confusing to me and I don't always know which way to go or which decision to make and I have to take a very shaky step into the dark.  Sometimes I'm anxious and fearful and I don't always have the kind of faith and courage that I think I should have.  Sometimes I feel very weak in every way possible and I need help from those around me.  I go through spiritual highs and lows (we all do, I promise) and although I have a testimony of what I love and know to be true, sometimes I have questions and I doubt because I can't see the full picture and my heart is hurting.  Sometimes I feel so angry and frustrated and hurt that it's hard to be kind and it's hard to have a good attitude and to serve others and I find myself complaining to Heavenly Father and asking Him where He is and why my life isn't different.  Sometimes (a lot of times) I'm impatient in my trials and I just want to know the solution without going through the process of growth and refinement because it's too uncomfortable.  

BUT 

We have a Savior, someone who in some remarkable and unfathomable way lived each and every life and knows each individual perfectly.  He is always there even when you mess up, even when you fall, and even when you choose to turn away because you're frustrated and hurt.  His love is inescapable and unbreakable whether you feel it or not and believe me, there are times when it seems nearly impossible to feel it.  Rely on Him when you don't have the strength, trust in Him when your faith is gone, lay your pains and weaknesses at His feet, share with Him the burdens you've been asked to bear.  We are on this earth to experience His great love and to be His healing hands as we work to acquire His gifts of perfect compassion and empathy for our brothers and sisters.  

We were not created to go through this life alone.  Be honest about all of your feelings and problems with the God who gave you life, He wants to hear it all from you.  Even when He doesn't answer right away or send the blessings or healing power you were hoping for, He is still always listening, and He is more patient and kind than we understand.  Though He cares sincerely like any good parent when we hurt and suffer, His main concern is our growth and progression because He sees the priceless gift that we oftentimes lost sight of - our potential.  Sometimes He will feel very far away, but if we are to learn to become as He is, we have to try walking on our own sometimes.  Never alone, but on our own enough to prove and increase our strength and progression.  This means that we will fall and scrape our hands and knees along the path, but never without the healing balm of Christ's Atonement and His strong arms to lift us back up.  

You are loved.  You are not alone.  You have friends in this world and if you feel like you don't, I'll be your friend.  No, life will never be perfect, but things do get better, I promise.